Hey friends
I'm back in Wisconsin. In fact I find myself sitting in the office chair at my parent's house.
Yeah, I'm not sure what I wish to say here. I want you to know that I'm back. Also, I would really appreciate prayer right now. This is a hard time.
I'm pretty overwhelmed with the stress of life right now. That's something I haven't felt in a while. wondering what's coming next. stressing over a decision. trying to understand what God would have me do. Wondering if I'm asking the right questions. Maybe I should just go to seminary. What in the world is Wisdom. We keep talking about it, but I'm skeptical.
Life seemed much simpler in Galati.
It seems that my focus is drawn to how to make money right now as I consider how I will get out to Denver...and as I consider how I will visit friends over New Year's. That's lame. It's also reality as my parents are quick to remind me.
Yet I remember that this is part of why I feel like I need to go to Denver. I need to see how a life of simplicity and faith and love and community can be lived in this American context. I want a chance to live out Christ's words, not just deflect them to an ignored corner of my mind. I want to live the collision between the Gospel with all its faith and deeds and the World in which we live.
Am I naive?
certainly.
Am I idealistic?
I hope so.
Do I know what I'm talking about?
not really.
Are those three ways of saying the same thing?
yes.
I think that's a sign I should stop writing :-)
Basically that's how I'm feeling right now. I'm frustrated that I feel caught up in the money game. It bothers me that my decisions are so affected by needing to make money. I'm not sure how to appropriately trust God to provide...realizing that He has created us to work and that work is good. I'm frustrated that I'm having a hard time just enjoying people and anticipating Christ's birth because I'm worried about how I can start this next leg of the journey.
I miss you friends. I miss you my Galati family.
7 comments:
likes, i definitely understand your frustration over the apparent need to make money. i personally hate money. i don't like the fact that it exists.
just know that your friends REALLY want you to come visit, and are praying that God provides a way for it to happen. He is all-sufficient, and our little problems are as nothing in His eyes. hallelujah.
bn
I think you should go to Denver. Even if you almost die as you realize you are going the wrong way in a busy intersection. Even if a car gets broken into. Even if you lose your friends. Go to Denver. Because community is necessary. It is messy but it is necessary. Love people. :-)
ryan! i just found your blog and i am happy you had a wonderful adventure and experience. i will be praying for you as you settle back into american life! money is a very frustrating element. i know this too well. i work at a job i despise, but i know that god is so much bigger than my little problems. i do hope your heart will lead you in the right direction knowing that it will be hard but that hope lies in what we do when we follow our lord!
i do hope you get to visit friends and that you will thrive in the community of their love. hope your christmas was fabulous for you!
Hey Ryan,
Thought I would pay you a visit. :-)
It was nice to have you over, and thanks for the hard work. We appreciated it!
This is a subject I have thought a lot about. I think Americans in particular over-estimate what a 'good' life costs; what it's worth. We have this tendency to need a larger income to maintain our material possessions (side note: do you won the stuff or does the stuff own you?). In turn, we buy the big house and/or car, and then need to work harder to keep that up; we climb the ladder to maintain a higher and higher standard of living, hoping that happiness lies in that direction..... It doesn't. But it goes much further than that: a consumer lifestyle such as Americans are used to requires faster and faster consumption, faster and faster transactions. I'm sure in your travels to the eastern block you saw a much lower 'standard' of living in terms of material wealth. YES, I believe what you suggest IS possible, here in this country. {Part of what you do describe in your post could be described as romanticizing, or what an anthropologist would call 'noble savage'. Naive? Maybe a little, but you do recognize it. Maybe your foreign-ness allows you to block out the unpleasantness that goes with what you saw... I digress.} I think that lifestyle you describe requires 'sacrifice', but not all that much.... Besides which you can always make it more complex to suit your tastes, its harder to go the other direction. Start simple; add what you need until you happiness tops out and then STOP (I call it the law of diminishing return). Regi and I are on a path such as you describe; trying to lose the material possessions and the frenzy created in trying to obtain them. It only took us 25 years to figure it out. :-) It IS much harder to simplify once the complexity is built in. I've rambled enough.
Last thought: Money is actually an elegant concept; it's people that corrupt it and make it complicated and dirty.......
Marty KC
Ryan,
One more thing: Regi is praying for you to find peace.
I'll meditate on some of your other thoughts about stress.
We tend to create our own stress in what I call empty space; it really doesn't exist, except in our own minds. We can't see it, touch it.
It's really in our own attitudes that it is created. Remember that YOU choose to stress about it. You can choose not to, also.
OK: here's an exercise for you: decide whether you can do something, anything about your current stress topic. Then do it. Even if it's tomorrow. Write it on the calendar the day and hour you can do something about it. ACTION has a marvelous affect on stress.
If you can't: give yourself permission to not think about it until you can do something.
Peace to your troubled heart.
Marty KC
hold up: why denver? I don't know if you made a previous post about it-- but how about community in OKC? haha-- just throwing it out to you! Keep us posted!
http://www.refugeokc.com
ooh- found this!!!- don't know if you've read this before:
If we pursue community we may not find a cause worth living for.
But if we pursue a cause worth living for we will most assuredly get community of the best kind.
If we pursue friendship we may not find discipleship that changes us.
But if we pursue discipleship that changes us we will most assuredly get friendship of the best kind.
If we pursue church we may not find a Jesus who saves.
But if we pursue a Jesus who saves we will most assuredly get church of the best kind.
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